My headstone will read, “She’s a biter” (although I’m being cremated). In all honesty though, I have bitten hundreds of people. My friends and family will testify this is true.

I often meet new people, and we can be having a casual conversation, when I interject and begin my shtick:

“Have you ever had a deja vu moment? Like when you think you’ve been someplace before? Me too! In fact, I just had the feeling that I’ve already had this conversation with you! Have you ever been to a psychic? Just recently I saw a psychic. I was at one of those fairs where the psychic tells people things about their past and future... This psychic was really good! She told me things about my past that no one could have known about. She even told me that I’d be meeting someone like you! She also told me something strange; she said that in a past life I was a dog, but not just any dog, she said I was a guard dog for a really rich mansion. Apparently, late one night a burglar broke into my masters’ home and they had a gun. The burglar aimed the gun to shoot my master, but I jumped in the way and took the bullet to save my masters life (Right about now, the person I’m telling the story to is mesmerized by what I’m saying.) You see, the strangest thing is that you can still feel right here on my neck where the bullet went in and killed me... Even now you can feel it… Yeah, you can touch it… right here…”

Just as they begin to reach out to feel where the bullet went in, I growl and act as if I’m going to bite them! Without exception, they scream and recoil their hand. Everyone gets a laugh!

Nowadays, I’ll be out at a party and someone will pull me to the side and ask, “Hey, will you go pull off your dog biting joke on my friend over there?” Biting people, practical jokes, and pulling pranks on unsuspecting strangers (and close friends) is a reputation I’m proud to have earned. It is fun to be telling story and have people say, “I don’t know whether or not to believe you.” Fun; I love to have fun! Be fun, be clever, be happy!

Have I bitten you yet?

Comment